He may think I'm a pervert....

So I have decided that weird and "different" things happen to me quiet frequently. I was talking to my friend and old roommate from Dillon last night (Sarah Green) and we were laughing about how often this happens to me. I told Sarah "I should just start writing this stuff down, cause I always forget that they happen and then I never share these strange encounters and they are quite funny."
Well I decided that since sometimes I find myself at work with a little free time and I enjoy writing that I may have to blog my weird little stories from time to time. So here's another recent tale.
Picture it: Billings, April 21, 2007. Four girls walk into Big Sky Books in the old part of Billings. (Kim, Bronco Bill, Kalli, and Jennifer). For those of you that don't know what Big Sky Books is, it's a sex novelty shop. We were on a mission, to embarrass my little sister that would be having her final girls night out (Bachlorette party) before she gets married May 26th.
There were a few of us who were shocked by nothing in that store and were perhaps veterans of these sorts of stores (I will not name us), and other's jaws dropped. I will say I saw Stacy's jaw drop a couple times. Kalli, on the other hand made herself at home and proceeded to giggle loudly at everything in there. We each were grabbing purchases for Terri. I grabbed some love cuffs; spice up your love life cards and a few other "novelty" gifts and checked out. Kalli grabbed a few naughty items as well and decided to go pay before she charged up a storm. On her way to the checkout I hear her "oh so familiar well known laugh." She said excitedly "Kim, I have to get this for Terri!" I walk over to the section she was in and look. Oh yes, it's a 6 ft inflatable penis. It was $20.00. She was like "you know, I know it's a bit pricey but I have to get it." We giggled, made our purchases and Stacy said goodbye to her new favorite store (joke).
When we got to the house, all of the girls were arriving for the party and Kalli was still sitting in the living room trying to blow up this penis. She was getting nowhere. She then read if you put water in the bottom for stability that it helps. Still, she got nowhere. I suggested she take it to a gas station and fill it up with a tire air pump if she wanted to be able to use it in time for the bachlorette party which was going to start in an hour. I didn't think she would actually do it. Oh, Kalli did. And not only did she and Jen take it to get filled up, she fills it up at a gas station on
Grand Avenuein Billings. For those of you that don't know Billings too well,
Grand Avenueis one of the busiest sections of street in town. People were going by, waving and honking. Kalli could have cared less; she was just too excited to embarrass Terri.
When the party commenced, Terri walked through the door to find this giant inflatable penis waiting for her. Her face turned red, she laughed, we all posed for pictures with it, etc, basically it was a LARGE hit. (See pictures on my page under bachlorette party to see this horrid thing).
After the party was over, Kalli came into my room to say goodbye. I hugged her goodbye (not moving fast, still recovering from the party) and fell back asleep. When I walked out into my living room when all the guests had went back to their prospective homes, I noticed that the damn penis was still sitting there in my living room! I was very upset that this thing was still there! I call Kalli and I ask her "what the hell am I supposed to do with this thing?" She was like "oh save it for some other time, I couldn't fit that thing my car."
I was okay with saving the penis, but what I didn't know is that when I went to try to deflate it, it won't deflate! I try everything! I try squeezing it, I try sitting on it, and I look for other holes to get the air out….nothing works. I sit there trying not to mad cow. What the hell am I going to do with this thing? Here I am living in this new home and people want to come see my house and I have this penis standing as tall as me in my living room!
The first few days of last week, everyday before I went to work I would hide the penis in my bathtub (just in case one of the broker's stopped by to look at my house). Finally I got sick of it and I told Terri "if this fucking thing does not deflate in a few days, I am going to stab it with a knife!" Everyone was like "no, don't do that, save it." They can say that, they don't have a penis in their house!
Thursday evening, (the 26th) my friend Amanda that lives here calls me and tells me that they are having a pick of game of volleyball at our gym. I get very excited to have someone to go do something with so I run home, quickly change into my gym clothes, grab my gym bag, my cell phone and lock the door and walk out. I go to unlock my car door and then it hits me. I have left my car keys, my work keys, and my house keys (all on the same keychain) in the house!
I am frantic, I try to wiggle the door. It does not budge. I call Amanda and tell her I am locked out and I will be late. I have call my landlord (Ron, whom is one of the brokers I work with and tell him my situation). He tells me he will get me a key and be there shortly. Ron pulls up about ten minutes later and says "Kim, we have a problem. I gave you all the keys to this apartment, we are going to have to find another way to get in. Do you have any windows open?" Then I realize, yes I do have two windows in my house that are open. Two windows to my spare bedroom. My spare bedroom where the penis was currently being hidden! Ron said "we can cut the screen and I can crawl through that window." The whole time I am thinking to myself "NO, NO, NO! MY FREAKING BOSS, MY LANDLORD IS GOING TO SEE THIS FUCKING PENIS!" But then he stops and says "wait, I can go through the basement, and see if I can get through the door that way and slide it with a credit card." I sigh a GIANT sigh of relief knowing that plan A may be abandoned.
Ron walks around back and all the sudden comes through the front door of my house. He was like "I got it open." I then realize he had to have walked past the room that the penis was in, in plain obvious site. He had to have saw it." He walks out the door, gives me a weird grin and leaves.
I walk into the house mortified and then I realize that not only had did he probably see the giant hell trap, but he left the neighbor's cat in my house. I quickly pick it up, grab my keys and run out the door to volleyball. I get half way to the gym and I smell this bad smell. It smells like shit. I don't know where it's coming from but I figure it's on my shoes. I don't care because I figure going to volleyball is a good way to meet friends and just want to get there before it's over. I go into the gym and start playing volleyball, I can still smell poop. I look down and realize that the fucking cat had left poop on my shirt! So here I am trying to make new friends and I smell like cat shit!
So I guess this long story has no point other than, my boss/landlord probably wonders why I have a huge inflatable penis in my house and may think I am a pervert and any new friends that I may have met at volleyball will probably never speak to me again because I smelled of cat shit. Ahhhhhhhhh, I know how to do it right……………….

Oh and I still can't get the fucking thing to deflate.